Visiting Nirvana

My wife and 14 month old son went to Malaysia on Saturday morning and left both my daughter and me at home last weekend. There were several places I thought of bringing her- Buddhist temples, my office playground, shopping mall, my friend's home to play X-Box Kinetic and another friend of mine's workplace in a Buddhist columbarium.

After fetching her from her abacus class, we had a quick lunch- packet of chicken rice which mummy bought, in nearby void deck as she told me that she was hungry. After lunch, we headed to Nirvana Memorial Garden to meet a secondary school friend who I had not met for many years. He showed me around together with my daughter. Although it is a columbarium, Nirvana Memorial Garden does not instill the feeling of departure of love ones with many statues, paintings and picture of Buddhas and Bodhisattvas. My daughter actually told me that she like the environment there, which dispel my initial fear of bringing her to a columbarium. After my meeting with my long lost friend, I decided to join him in giving those people I will be reaching out to with a peace of mind when the departure of love on comes.

Death is a topic that many of us do not plan for nor even discuss about. Few of us conduct pre-planning about our death and matters like where and how our ashes are to be handled and stored.

I have heard of stories about siblings wanting their deceased parent to have funeral and choice of columbarium based on their own personal preference, instead of the deceased. In most cases, this occurs because the lack of pre-planning of the deceased when they were still around.

In Buddhist practices, I think of my death as a matter of "checking out" of my physical body which is full of filth and depending on my own personal karmic actions and practices, rebirth will occur. It is my vow and desire to be reborn in Western Paradise where Amitabha is teaching Dharma upon my departure from this samsara.

Namo Amitabha!

Filial Piety is Key

Five ways one should minister to one's parents:

• Having supported me, I shall support them.
• I shall do their duties. 
• I shall keep up the honour and the traditions of my family.
• I shall make myself worthy of my heritage.
• I shall make offerings dedicating the goodness of my practice to my parents after their death.

- The Buddha (Sigalovada Sutta: Digha Nikaya 31)

My dad and mom are 76 year old and 70 year old, respectively. Both of them are retired and stay couple of blocks away from me. During weekdays, my children will be there from around noon till 7pm in the evening when they will be brought back home by my domestic helper.

Although it seems so wrong to have such thoughts, I know deep inside that the time will come for them to leave this world. As I think about impermanence of our life here, it saddens me to know that the time will come. There are times that I want to share with them what I have learned from Buddhism with the hope that they can be Buddhas themselves. They do listen attentively to me at times, but as the Chinese saying goes that they had "eaten more salt than me having rice" (or crossed more bridges than me walking on paths), usually my mom would share her personal views about the subject. Nevertheless, they are a contented couples with minimal desires on luxury items who believe in karma. I guess I'll have to share more stories and examples about karma with them with the hope that they will do more good and no evil.

Filial piety 孝  (beauty of Chinese character that the top is "old", the bottom is "son" put together) is an important practice we should all be aware of as it is something we must start with, after which follow by Compassion, Wisdom and Practice. This is because for someone who is disrespectful to parents (elders and teachers), it would be impossible to have the compassion and wisdom to execute the practice towards enlightenment.

Thoughts of a Dying Dad

On my 40th birthday last year, I thought I my life was coming to an end very soon. My daughter was just 5 years old and my wife is pregnant with baby boy due in September 2012.

I could remember vividly when I went to toilet for a week that morning, my urine that came out was blood red in color. I was urinating blood out of my body! That went on for the entire day and until today, I had told no one about this. I remember trying to tell my wife but thinking not to make her worry in her second trimester of pregnancy and do not like the idea of seeing me pee blood, I did not tell her.

Many things went on inside me that day, while pretending that everything is normal on the outside on that birthday. I tried thinking what food and drinks I had that could cause a change in my urine color to blood red. I searched the internet for answers about peeing blood. I wondered how long more can I live and will I get to see my unborn baby. The subsequent visits to toilet to pee did not see any change in urine color that day.

I was quite certain that I am doom then and began contemplating and seeing what happens when I die. Wait, I had not written a will. What about the unfinished tasks at work? Who will come to my funeral and wake? Where will I go while my physical body lies motionlessly inside the coffin? So, who am I, where do I come from and where am I going?

Today, one and half years later, I am still alive and kicking but that was an unforgettable experience I had. The color of my urine went back to normal the next day but the thoughts of dying lingers on until today. Probably because I told no one about this. It is like giving me an important lesson and giving me a second chance to do what I need to do in life, not taking anything in life for granted. I had not gone for any medical checkup for years although I do get my blood pressure, heart rate and hemoglobin level tested when I donated blood last week.

In my search for answers in Buddhist studies, I get to know more about our life expectancy and longevity. Many of us wants to have a long life but do you want to have a long dreadful life where you don't have enough to eat, clothing to where and place to sleep at the age of 90? After all, the physical body we have is temporary.

In Buddhist teachings, there are many ways that we could extend our lifespan and one of which is to accumulate merits in the form of taking precepts. I am very certain that the extension of my life has to do with this.

More about that in my future posts.