Thoughts of a Dying Dad

On my 40th birthday last year, I thought I my life was coming to an end very soon. My daughter was just 5 years old and my wife is pregnant with baby boy due in September 2012.

I could remember vividly when I went to toilet for a week that morning, my urine that came out was blood red in color. I was urinating blood out of my body! That went on for the entire day and until today, I had told no one about this. I remember trying to tell my wife but thinking not to make her worry in her second trimester of pregnancy and do not like the idea of seeing me pee blood, I did not tell her.

Many things went on inside me that day, while pretending that everything is normal on the outside on that birthday. I tried thinking what food and drinks I had that could cause a change in my urine color to blood red. I searched the internet for answers about peeing blood. I wondered how long more can I live and will I get to see my unborn baby. The subsequent visits to toilet to pee did not see any change in urine color that day.

I was quite certain that I am doom then and began contemplating and seeing what happens when I die. Wait, I had not written a will. What about the unfinished tasks at work? Who will come to my funeral and wake? Where will I go while my physical body lies motionlessly inside the coffin? So, who am I, where do I come from and where am I going?

Today, one and half years later, I am still alive and kicking but that was an unforgettable experience I had. The color of my urine went back to normal the next day but the thoughts of dying lingers on until today. Probably because I told no one about this. It is like giving me an important lesson and giving me a second chance to do what I need to do in life, not taking anything in life for granted. I had not gone for any medical checkup for years although I do get my blood pressure, heart rate and hemoglobin level tested when I donated blood last week.

In my search for answers in Buddhist studies, I get to know more about our life expectancy and longevity. Many of us wants to have a long life but do you want to have a long dreadful life where you don't have enough to eat, clothing to where and place to sleep at the age of 90? After all, the physical body we have is temporary.

In Buddhist teachings, there are many ways that we could extend our lifespan and one of which is to accumulate merits in the form of taking precepts. I am very certain that the extension of my life has to do with this.

More about that in my future posts.